# [We Wanted to Be Serious About Screen Time. We Changed Our Minds—And Everyone Was Fine](https://www.crossplay.news/p/why-we-changed-our-mind-about-screen-time?ref=theenthusiast.net) - Emily Marler via [The Enthusiast](https://www.theenthusiast.net/new-behaviours-in-practice/) > "To be fair, we always said we’d introduce video games (active) before television (passive); the question was when and how. I remembered a 2014 article in which technologist Andy Baio explained his [chronological approach](https://medium.com/message/playing-with-my-son-e5226ff0a7c3), starting with a plug-and-play device full of 1980s arcade classics on his son’s fourth birthday.  > > Clearly, we couldn’t even wait that long." Abby and I never really considered active v passive when it comes to our approach with Eloise. I wish I had. I, too, [[MFP06 - “That’s Why They Call Me a Podcast Killer” with Casey Liss|remember]] Andy Baio's experiment and quote his quoting of Steve Martin far too often; > "I got a great dirty trick you can play on a three-year-old kid… Whenever you’re around him, **talk wrong.** So now it’s like his first day in school and he raises his hand, ‘May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?" And so far at the ripe young age of three, Eloise has played a *Pac-Man* cabinet in a friend's basement one time and "played" *LEGO Rock Band* once, so I think we've held pretty strong. She's never even sat down and watched me play a game outside of her oblivious state of infancy. We've been intentional about what we show Eloise on a screen. Hyper and fast shows are out, super slow, methodical shows are in. She gets maybe one a week at home? Her grandparents are another story where she certainly gets her fill and exposure amplified. I have heard the *Go, Diego, Go!* theme song far too many times for someone who has never ever seen the show. I'm even more conscious of the movies in her life of which there are two—*My Neighbor Totoro* and *Kiki's Delivery Service*. No good vs. evil, no sing-alongs, no danger. The scariest part is Totoro's snoring/roaring. I think all our other parenting friends' kids know all the Disney characters and princesses. Mine is blissfully unaware of the movies behind the books, toys, and songs. > "When our toddler throws herself on the floor because we won’t play *Animal Crossing* before breakfast, I can see why other parents worry that screens have some sinister hold on our children. And we see the same thing with television. She's asked us to have her breakfast while watching TV (a common occurrence at the grandparent's abode apparently). She has thrown quite the fit when an episode ends and the black box goes dark. Those fits lead to losses of privilege and natural consequences, which just flat out suck to enforce. I remember her daycare teacher's telling us once that they can tell who are the "iPad kids" and that was not a glowing compliment. There is an undeniable hold. I think of the time I took Eloise to a Chick-fil-A and in the booth behind us, a mother was letting her toddler watch *Peppa Pig* at 2X speed. My brain couldn't even handle it. Eloise would not turn away if I did not redirect her. I firmly believe little toddler brains were not meant for this kind of stimulation. And that's the passive kind. It is why I have held strong on introducing her to video games directly. > "But then I hear her giggle when we wake a sleeping Blathers, or name the flowers we’ve planted." Eloise knows who Mario is; whenever she sees him she blurts out an unbelievably adorable "Mario! He says 'Wahoo!'" We've read the Rosalina storybook. You better believe I want some of those "[My Mario](https://www.nintendo.com/us/my-mario/?srsltid=AfmBOorqrN4Ipgur3vCfZt7wDb6ZIZ6qSe2wXBCJYb3rcJgs8EhqurZG)" toys. She pushes the music button on a Tom Nook Christmas ornament all the time and finds him on the boxes of the games when she visits my office. She giggles and knows names. She's just blissfully unaware of the games behind it all. I'm not saying Marler and co are "parenting wrong." Far from it! There are days man where I wish we just gave her all the movies and shows. *Bluey* seems cute. Sometimes we need Pandora's Box to help reign in the chaos of toddlerdom. Real life is...real. It take discernment, practice, and, like Frog says in the story *Cookies* "willpower." I believe moderation and intentionality are key. If you can teach your kids that while learning some yourself, I think we'll all be in a better place.